The Art of Dining

morningsickness

I realise that I have been putting off the ‘Morning Sickness’ post, because with the pure volume of material to write about that I have been exposed to, Morning Sickness could be a blog in its own right!

My partner is what one might describe as a ‘Foodie'[?] She is not greedy, but food is intensely important to her, perhaps a throwback from her mother coming from a family of  many siblings? Perhaps it’s a Northern thing? I don’t know.

To give an example of how important food is to her; During our relationship there have been numerous times when she has bolted up in bed first thing in the morning as if being defibrillated out of a coma only to gasp with wide eyed and yet apparent blind panic:

“W..W.. What are we having for tea tonight?!?!”

Lets say that she has a very emotional relationship with food which links in to family, comfort, nostalgia and actually her relationship with me  I guess in a way.

So, imagine for one moment the devastation that might be caused when all of this is ripped away from her by her own damned hormones spiking all over the place and picking off her favourite foods like a game of Russian Roulette.

Can you imagine it?! Yes!! Thats right!! It has been an absolute nightmare for me!!!

In our house, I cook. She is a very good cook but I enjoy it more I think, so I have unscrupulously and methodically deskilled her by cooking at her for years, to the point where I think she believes that if we split up she might starve to death. Genius!

Until Now!!! Now, I have no ‘Get Out of Jail’ card at all.  Food is now a huge bone of contention (no pun intended) within the house.

I have been trying to crack the seemingly capricious nature of the sickness so that I might beat it and resume my aptitude for cooking my way to redemption.

Thus far, this is what I have come up with:

  • All food can potentially get you in trouble.
  • Just because she craves a food, that does not mean it will not make her sick, and if this happens it will be at least two weeks until the mention of that food will not make her sick again.
  • If you think you are onto a good thing, only make 3 days worth of it because, trust me, you are not onto a good thing. (Hence the 35 unused frozen freshly ground, reduced Ginger and honey ice cubes currently sitting in our freezer, which I invented about 3 hours before Ginger started making her vomit upon sight.)
  • Eat the same as her, even if it means that your main meal of the day is Spinach and a boiled egg, because if she can hold that down but the smell of your Thai Green Curry makes her puke, you have eliminated two meals from the remainder of the pregnancy and have wrecked both of your evenings.
  • When you have cooked something and it has taken you a long time and you are proud of it and she takes one mouthful and then throws up, try to remember that she is not doing this spitefully… on a conscious level anyway… most of the time… I think.
  • Try not to point out to her that 85% of all communication, verbal, text and other now revolves around food – the flavour of, texture of, temperature of, feelings evoked pre and post consumption of, the colour of, the smell of, etc etc. I have a feeling that the answer is somewhere hidden in these communications and if you are a man far greater than me, there might be an opportunity to collate that data to create an algorithm which can predict ‘safe foods’ for that day or moment in time. And once harnessed into an app, that man will never have to work or buy himself a pint again for he will be a rock star amongst expectant fathers and a god amongst mortals.

[Please Note: It is not my intention to suggest a man should invent this due to personal sexism, I just think it would be wonderful if one of us got the Brownie points, God knows we need them.]

So, yes. Easy really! That is the Art of Dining whilst enduring her morning sickness! That and, of course, that your lunch break at work becomes your best friend as it’s a perfect opportunity for you to secret eat. 

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